what it feels like in the tumble dryer

...this is exactly how I feel -- like I've been spun around and around and around and 'roud again... not really knowing where up nor down is... but slowly I am finding back onto my own two feet... the other day i said in an email to a friend of mine - i am trying to slowly move myself back into the eye of the storm.
the epiphany i had whilst caught in the storm and being tumbled around ... and whilst reading eat, pray, love by Elizabeth Gilbert (a book you HAVE TO read by the way) is that sometimes (that is relatively often these days) I've got my little control issues... i guess particularly as a scientist when you run experiments or play around with models, sure there is a certain amount of uncertainty that you have to content yourself with - but often you're the one in control... and studying in a place with so many strong personalities around 'control' is something important... but admitting deep within yourself that it's ok *NOT* to be in control and letting go is just as important ... and so i am smiling at myself as i know this but actually doing it is a whole other thing!!! ... and yet, it's just like in climbing where when you let go of the wall no matter how hard your brain is telling you don't do it, you know you ain't going to fall very far ... letting go in this instance is just as counter intuitive on some levels yet i also know nothing is really going to happen!!!

So i've moved to halifax for the next 2 weeks -- to focus on work and find my centre of balance again. I need to get a draft of my third chapter together - and it's been a real headache, to the point where it's had be up at night... the last couple of weeks have been relatively productive though so i am hoping to continue riding that wave. Plus my friend marta is here and she's got just as much insane amounts of work to get through so we can motivate each other and take breaks together :o) ... and she understands these crazy ecopath models better than i do so i hope to absorb some of those extra beams for sure and incorporate them solidly into my brain!!!!

the turtles are calling ;o)